Praying when loved ones die

Quote from the book, What Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn, page 160

LISTENING PRAYERS
The most important prayers we pray during family death situations are listening prayers.  Death is a time we need to receive from God, when we need to hear what He has to say to us.

The night my mother died, I had asked God a myriad of questions.  But it was in my lying still--listening—that I received answers.  It was then God, in His part of the prayer conversation, could bring His divine answers into my reeling brain, divinely settling my questions.

When we receive the news that a family member’s death is inevitable (the illness is terminal), or is imminent (any moment they will go) or has occurred (too late to avoid), it is normal to bombard God with questions.  Questions of why like this?  Why now? Questions of disbelief.  Confused and bewildered questions.  Angry questions asking God why He allowed it.  Asking why He hadn’t performed that miracle He was capable of doing when we had prayed for it so long.  But usually we stop at the asking, not taking time to wait on God for His answers.

The only way we can find out how all-sufficient God can be at times like this, is to stop talking at Him and let Him show us who He really is—the omnipotent God of heaven.  Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”  KJV

Being still and listening is something I can easily forget, but when I have lost someone I love, stillness and listening has kept me going.

Life is busy, filled with so many challenges.  When I am wrapped up in life, it takes a conscience effort to be still and listen to God.

Losing someone I love has forced me to be still and listen because the need for God in my life during these times becomes so real.

I remember the moment that my mother was rushed into Jesus arms.  The look on her face comforted me because I knew she saw something she recognized.  So for my mom, she was headed to a place she had always dreamed of going, Heaven.  But how do I handle it?

Reading this chapter of Evelyn’s book opened my eyes to the importance of really LISTENING and letting God speak to me about what I need to hear when I have lost a loved one.

You know, LISTENING Prayers are so important every day of my life, but how can I really listen?

I need to STOP everything I am doing, rest, and then listen by reading the Bible, attending a church service, listening to a motivational CD of just visiting with a friend. God uses many ways to speak to me, but the key is to stop and LISTEN to him.

…and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him…  Deuteronomy 30:20a

Dear God,

Please help me to take the time to pray LISTENING prayers about everything.  You want to speak to me and encourage me, but I need to take the time to LISTEN.

 

.

 

 

A Gift from God

Quote from the book what Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn: page 156

Chris’ and my praying for our family developed gradually.  First we always dedicated the child of each of our seven pregnancies the moment we knew I was expecting.  Then we came to the place of praying much about having babies who would be healthy and live.  We also prayed for each of them throughout the pregnancy.  But it was at their actual births that we especially dedicated them in prayer to God.  They were HIS—for His will.  They were His gift to us for as long as they would live.  We knew well that they were the Lord’s gifts to us.  “Behold, children are a gift from the Lord’ (Ps. 127:3).  That psalm is often quoted at birth celebrations, christenings, baby showers, and on birth announcements.  And it is believed by most Christians.

But I wonder how often we actually practice what it says.  Yes, children are a gift—but not from any human source.  They are a gift from the Lord.  So God deserves, and expects, to be included in every aspect of conception and birth.

And how do we include Him?  Through prayer.  Prayers of asking Him for a baby, then prayers of releasing our wills for His, prayers of protection while the baby is developing, and prayers of thanksgiving.  And sometimes, when all has not gone well at the birth, there my be prayers of anger toward God, prayers of telling him of our heartache, but then eventually prayers of thanksgiving because we know He does all things well.

I woke up at 4 am this morning.  I curled up in my soft warm bed and finished reading this chapter, Prayers at Family Births.  My heart was touched by every word in this chapter, but what really spoke to my heart was Evelyn Christenson’s dedication to prayer for EVERYTHING IN HER LIFE.

 

What a shining example of what we as mothers, grandmothers, fathers, and grandfathers can do for our families.  The most important thing of all, PRAY FOR OUR FAMILIES.

 

Life is busy.  There are so many things to do.  Evelyn’s life was a shining example of what serving God means.  Even though she was traveling around the world with the ministry God had for her, she used the power of prayer for her connection to God and her children.

She longed to be with her family when grandchildren were born, but her ministry would not always allow for her to do this.  Instead of feeling sorry for herself and getting discouraged, she prayed right where she was for each child/family who was blessed with a new baby.  She prayed for each new grandchild from the moment they were conceived.

Evelyn was a Godly woman of prayer.  Her example of praying about everything shines through in the heart of all of her books.  I am sure her family misses her being here with them, but what they have gained from watching her life must be forever etched on their hearts.

Thank you Evelyn Christiansen for your shining light in my life.  You have inspired me all of my life and I know you would want God to receive the glory for it.  Trust me; your love relationship with God has definitely brought glory to God.

 

Psalms 63:3

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

 

Dear God,

You are an amazing God.  I love you with all of my heart.  I pray that the actions of my life will glorify you.  You are the one who deserves the praise.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Releasing Prayers

Quote from the book what Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn: page 124, 125,132

VERY EARLY NEW YEAR’S morning of 1990 I was lying in bed praying for each child, grandchild, and my husband, not only for a new year but for a new decade.  I prayed for each one individually – for specific needs and then for God to fill each with Himself.  Then an overwhelming feeling swept over me that I should release my whole family to God.

Released – not to just anybody—but to God.

No, this is releasing them to the omniscient God of the universe!  He knows the end from the beginning, knows all the ‘whys” and “what ifs” of our lives.  He alone is capable—and worthy—to have us entrust our human possessions to Him.

And in releasing prayers, a new realization that they are HIS, not ours, emerges.

Honestly, the thought that crossed my mind as I began to read this chapter was, “I will just skip writing about this chapter.”  I have had to learn so much about releasing one of my children to God this past year and the thought of releasing my whole family to God was a bit overwhelming. 

Why would it hard for me to release my whole family to God?

Releasing my family is letting go and letting God.  This means not praying what I want for my husband and children, but totally letting go and allowing God to make their lives what he has planned.

Isn’t this what I have been doing all of their lives?  “Why is this so hard for me?  I want God’s plan for my family and I know he has a great plan for each of them.  The hard part for me is that often it takes pain and suffering to make us willing to follow God’s plan for lives.  It is like I am praying for pain and suffering to happen in their lives.  It has been a hard year, how could I possibly pray for more?

When I read Lord Change Me for the first time, it was very challenging to let go and allow God to change me.  Change often hurts. 

Then the second time I read the book I understood reading it and following the challenges put before me, could be hard.  Yet, God had been with me through it all and many wonderful changes happen within me.  I needed to just trust God.

So do I avoid a possible time of pain and suffering to bring about changes in my family, by not praying?  I have an amazing family, so there might not be any hard times because of my prayers.  BUT AM I WILLING TO LET GO AND LET GOD NOT MATTER WHAT? 

When we can’t touch, God can.

Quote from the book what Happens When We Pray For Our Families.                              Evelyn: page 123

There are times when family members deliberately cut off touching.  A child runs away or a spouse disappears.  Also there are times when family members could touch, but are emotionally separated and refuse to communicate.  Perhaps they have distanced themselves from the family deliberately because of sin, rebellion, aloofness, an independent lifestyle, or an unforgiving spirit.  Our arms ache to hold that dear one close to us—us in years past, but he or she will not allow it….

This is a sign loved ones need their distance—but also is a sign they need prayer more than ever…

There is no distance too great, and there is no rift too wide, to stop prayer.

God is so good.  He gives us just what we need when we need it. This chapter is perfect timing for me.  Thank you God!

Last night was a perfect spring/summer evening.  I sat on my porch looking into the dark night sky, sprinkled with many twinkling stars.  My mind wandered to a loved one who lives on the far side of our country, who is going through a very difficult time.  It is so hard to know how he is doing because our communication is hard because he does not have a phone.  As I looked up into the heavens, I prayed, “Oh God, please help me to remember that you are taking care of my loved one.”   Within a few minutes a falling star passed right in front of me.  It took my breath away.  I don’t know if God was trying to show me that he was there taking care of my loved one, but I felt an overwhelming peace after the tail of the falling star disappeared.

I cannot reach my arms around my loved one, but God can.  Totally trusting God is what keeps me going, but at times it is so hard to let go, and let God.  Prayer is my constant companion to keep me going.  I know God loves my family member, I know God knows my heart and I know he loves my family member more than I ever could.

This passage of my life is bringing a phase of totally trusting God, like never before because it is all I have.  I can’t touch, but God can.

 

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

Dear God,

I trust in you.  I leave my loved one in your hand.  Please fill me with your joy and peace as I trust in you.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

 

 

Touching Prayers

Next blog post will be June 4th

Quote from the book What Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn, page 106

A Father’s Blessing

As a medical doctor, our son-in-law Skip knows the importance of touching.  He also knows the importance of touching family members. But as the spiritual head of his house, he knows the importance of “blessing touching.”  For many years he has practiced spiritual blessings in their home.  Skip tells about it in his own words. 

As parents we are continually being encouraged in our efforts to lovingly nurture our children and spouses.  God’s Word and some recent writings on the importance of touching and blessing have had an impact on our family.  Our spiritual and secular culture has been rather silent with respect to the importance of the blessing.  Occasionally, we are affirmed by parents, teachers, and supervisors; however, touching is known to be vital in healthy social and emotional development. 

For several years we have shared together each week in personal blessings after our ‘special’ Sunday breakfast.  Our children clamor (usually) to be the first blessed.  Seated in our lap, the special person is surrounded by the rest and hugged and kissed by the “blessor.”  They are blessed in Jesus’ name for general or specific requests.  Other family members pipe in with particular things in that person they are thankful for and for special spiritual blessing they are led to offer.  Frequently we ask for healing blessings….

As a family encouraging and affirming one another with our words, prayers, and affection, we covet God’s cement to help us grow together and strong in Him.  The family blessing is one of God’s tools that help us accomplish this.

Oh, what a wonderful idea.  Family Blessings!  I wished I had done this in our family.  Can you imagine how children would feel to be blessed like this?

My children are grown up.  Is it too late?   Is there someway to do something like this with our grown children?  It would seem to me that no matter how old you are, it would feel wonderful to feel that your parents are praying for God to bless their lives, but even more exciting to do it together.

For many years I have been writing out my prayers for my children.  I have a notebook for each one of them.  It has always been so encouraging to be able to write an answer to prayer that I had written as a request, minutes, days, weeks, months, & years before.

I think I am going to try something new.  First, I still have one grandson who is 2.  I hold him all the time, and in this chapter it encourages us to pray for them as we hold and touch them.  I have done that sometimes, but I want to make it more regular. 

Then I also have three other grandchildren that live many states away.  I need to get creative.  Maybe I can write to them and tell them I am going to pray for God’s blessings on them.  Now, they are already very blessed, but who knows how God will answer.

Now, what about my grown children?  How can I pray Family Blessings for them?  I could write out prayers of blessing in each of their notebooks, but I am going to pray for creativity on how I can do this.

This chapter has blessed by heart to much.  Thank you God!

Romans 10:12

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call him.

 

“What Are You Teaching Us Lord?”

Quote from the book What Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn:  page 90

It has been in these hard things that God has been able to teach me who He really is.

It is in my family trials that He has taught me that He never makes a mistake, that He comes in proportion to my need, that He really does work all things out for my good—because I love Him and seek to please Him.

When things hurt in my family, God has taught me to cling to the promises He gave us in His Word.  Promises of His presence, His comfort, His wisdom, His guidance.  Actually, until God has brought us through the hard things of life, we don’t really know if those promises are true or not.

Evelyn’s words have encouraged me so much this morning.  Everyone in life faces family challenges, but God does not make mistakes.  He really does work all things out for my good.  I needed this reminder today.

The past few years have been challenging years for my family because of the trials of one family member.  Of course, I pray every day, but sometimes in the midst of everything it is easy to forget that God has everything in his control.  It is easy to think I need to do something or that I am not praying enough, but in reality our family is in God’s hands, I can trust this.

Quote from the book What Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn:  page 90 

GOD’S METHOD OF PERFECTING AND MATURING US

When God does not remove painful situations in our families, He has something far better than just asking them away.  He is in the business of producing mature, deeply spiritual Christian giants of the faith of our family members.  What prayers do we pray in times like these?  Pray each thing in order, according to…

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, by brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect results, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

“BUT, I want you to remove the painful situations God.  They hurt!” 

I have been praying a lot of these types of prayers.  I wonder if life will ever be normal again.  I guess totally surrendering my family to God does not mean life will be without problems. 

The change MUST happen in me.  Totally surrendering my family to God needs to begin.

Dear God,

I surrender my family to you.  You know more about what is happening in my life than I do.  You know what you are working in each family member.  I give them all to you.  I give myself to you.  Could you send some encouragement my way today?  Please help me to trust you in everything.

The worry needs to end.  The trust needs to be real.  I need to surrender my family to God, and then continue to live my life in a way that is pleasing to him.

      

Eight prayers we should pray when hurt by loved ones

Quote from the book what Happens When We Pray For Our Families. Evelyn

 1.  Lord Change Me.
God answered me by immediately bringing to my mind that I first should ask the Lord to search my heart and enable me to change my attitude toward the loved ones who had hurt me. Pg. 73

2.  Lord help me forgive. 
The most important prayer in the whole family healing process is prayer that leads to our being able forgive loved ones –not just in words but truly in our hearts. Pg. 74

3.  Lord help me comfort those who hurt me. 
In addition to praying “Lord Change Me” and to enable you to forgive, the next step is to pray to be able to comfort those who have hurt you.    Pg. 75

4.  Lord, enable me to pray for those who hurt me.
When loved ones hurt us, we must pray for them, not just about them.  Pg. 76

5.  Lord, help me love.
Again, in H Sermon on the Mount, Jesus included loving in His instructions to pray for those who persecute you:  “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt. 5:44, italics added.) Pg. 77

6.  Lord enable us to pray together.
If at all possible, set up a time to pray with family member who has hurt you.  Pg. 78

 

7.   Lord, call others to pray for me.
There are times when we are so shattered by a family hurt that praying for ourselves, and a family member who has inflicted the hurt, is impossible.  Words simply won’t come.  This is when crisscrossing prayers of other family members take over us.  Pg. 79

 

8.  Lord, break the victim change.
Everybody is a victim.  Every family member is at times the victim of their other family members during various circumstances.  Siblings frequently are victims their brothers and sisters.  Children are victims of their parents. Parents are also victims of their children’s actions, words, and attitudes. And their parents are victims of their parents—the grandparents.  It goes on and on. Pg. 80

These eight prayer steps work.  They have worked for me and my family, they can work for you.  Pg. 84

Many years ago, I had a sister disown me because she thought I had done something that    I did not do.  When I would call, she would not answer, if I wrote a letter, she would not reply.  It hurt me a lot because I was innocent of what she accused me of. 

I prayed through each of these prayer steps, but she would not talk to me.  I felt hurt and helpless.  I live in one state and she lived many states away, so it was not like I could go over and talk to her personally.

After waiting on God, through prayer, there came a time for action.  Nothing had worked.       I was the Christian, she was not.  God kept speaking to me, but I did not want to listen.

After spending time running away from God, I finally submitted to what he was calling me to do.  I booked a flight and went and visited her.  When I knocked on the door of her home, she welcomed me in with a slight quietness.  BUT, as the time there unwound, our relationship started over with a new respect for each other.

Yes, These 8 prayers for loved ones that have hurt us truly are life changing.  Do not give up on any relationship.  With God, anything is possible.

Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said,
"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.